Its been a long time since I’ve put pen to paper ( or in this case fingertips to keyboard) to write out a post that didn’t have to do with something I’d found, saw or heard – Which is what makes this post somewhat different.
I don’t know how or what has changed exactly – but recently is seems things have truly changed.
Now if i were a regular person, this post would probably be about how I’ve been, for lack of a better word, somewhat ‘depressed’.
This post would also be about how I’ve come out of the other end a better person than before – With a new direction in my life, new drive and determination to succeed.
Sadly not so – things are much the same as before ; I get up in the morning, slap the alarm clock on snooze (multiple times in the half hour it takes to wake me up) lean back into my warm bed, laying there, hidden in the twisted covers tangled between my legs, the fabric of my duvet brushing the hair on my legs in a different directions, eyes half closed, fighting the sliver of sunlight which i never manage to shut out even with my dark curtains.
My all consuming thought until a few ago weeks were bizarre – everything seemed utterly hopeless, and the hopelessness was a consuming rage (And i use rage in the very lightest sense of the word- there was nothing active as ‘rage’ going on) and there wasn’t an activity, person, place or thing that didn’t seem futile.
At this point, i would like to stop and thank my friends and family. I’ve been a right little bitch to them, and im sorry – I simply saw no other way.
Which brings us to the present.
I think im learning to truthfully feel proper again.
Thats all for now.
If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for listening.